Knowing It's Over

It was early Tuesday morning, March 3rd, 2009. The nurses were coming in and out to give me my doses of meds, to give Drew his doses of meds from the circumcision and to check on us periodically. I was up that morning at 3:00 AM to feed Drew before the nursing nazis came running through the door to tell me I wasn't feeding my baby enough. And, while I sat there feeding Drew I was overcome with so many thoughts and emotions. And, as I sit here and type this now, they all come flooding back. I was so excited to be holding my baby boy and I was so glad to finally not be pregnant. As much as I knew I would miss feeling him inside me, the happiness I had holding him was far better. But, as I sat there feeding him, I looked around...sad and crying. It was most certainly the last morning I would ever spend in the Women's Center as a new mom. I tried to take in all the sights and sounds...the tiles on ceiling, the pretty white snow on the ground outside, the sound of the cars going over the speed bump outside my window, the smell that was my room for 2 days. It was all coming to an end so quickly and I wasn't sure I was ready for that. I knew I wanted to take my baby home, but that meant leaving the Women's Center for the last time. It was hard to see Bo and Kelsey walk through my door that morning. I was so excited to see them, but I wasn't sure I was happy to be leaving with them. Walking out of that room meant my childbearing years were over. And that's a hard feeling to know. It's hard to accept that phase of your life is over. And, while I have a beautiful family surrounding me at home, I am sad to know it's over. I know I will be at a Women's Center again someday...most likely as a Grandma and not as a mother. So for the many, many years between now and then, I will have fond memories of my time as a new mom and I hope to make many happy memories with my family as I enjoy watching them and being with them as they grow up.